"Dude, you're totally a risk-taker!" Jay said.

"I don't think so - I think I'm overly cautious", came my reply.

Those are two extremes that are difficult to reconcile. About three weeks prior Yamil e-mailed us a personality quiz. We were to e-mail our personal results to the other team members; the intent is that it would help us understand each other better. The site wouldn't work for me, but I got as far as this question: "Are you cautious, or are you a risk-taker?" (unfortunately 'cautions risk-taker' was not an option...)

Anyone who knows me would say I'm a risk-taker - even my parents. So I ask myself, "How can those who are closest to me see me as a risk-taker while I myself do not? Am I wrong, or are they?" The answer is, "I don't know. That's why I'm writing this blog."

Before I take any 'risk' I (usually) thoroughly assess the situation, weighing the risk/gain (hospital expense/enjoyment or thrill) and the likelihood I'll bite it, then I usually go for it.

So in that sense, I'm not too cautious. And on the road, I'm not timid at all...

"If you're going to drive, then drive - if not, get of the road!"

And I live by that. I don't drive recklessly (usually), but I don't hesitate. I see an opportunity and I take it. I see so many people hesitate and that's when mistakes are made and people get hurt. "Do I have enough time to turn before that car gets here?" As they hesitate, the window of opportunity passes.

So why do these people hesitate? Because they're afraid of mis-judging and getting hit - they're afraid of failure. I'm afraid of failure.

I've been reading Messages to Young People. Here's what the author says about the fear of failure.

Many become inefficient by evading responsibilities for fear of failure. Thus they fail of gaining that education which results from experience, and which reading and study and all the advantages otherwise gained cannot give them. - Messages To Young People, p. 193.

In other words, sometimes life requires you to face your fears to move ahead, learning by experience (even the experience of failure). This scares me, here's why:

The scariest thing for a man is to offer his strength in situations where he doesn't know if it will make any difference (or be needed.) Or worse, that he will fail. - John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating

This explains my hesitation - and even gives ground for justification. But let's read on.

...A man's basic sin is his choice to offer strength only in those situations where he knows things will go well. And so repentance for a man is entering into the very situations that he fears and offering his strength anyway. - ibid

Have mercy! Talk about getting hit with both barrels! When I read that I feel like one of those little bugs that you see when you pick up a bucket in the yard that hasn't been moved in weeks, the little ones that go scurrying for cover in a dark little hole - that's me.

So much for that great adventurer people see. Sure, I go cliff jumping and rock climbing. I've soloed 14ers and done some crazy 4x4ing. I've biked Slickrock and swam class 3 rapids. But when it comes to the inside - to the possibility of failure, all that courage amounts to nothing.

I don't want to get any more specific than to say that I must repent. It's time I look fear in the face and step forward. I'm sure I'll experience failure. I'll probably squirm a lot. I'll probably regress and need to make this resolution again, but I need to do this - I'm going to do this.

...turns nine today. I remember when Google was the new kid on the block - that makes me feel old.

As a result of several recent discussions on the topic, I looked into the legality of connecting to open wireless networks. What I found only irritated me.

So I'm traveling across the country, and I'm lost in some city in Montana. This particular city is big enough to get lost in, but small enough that there's no road details in my atlas. So what do I do? I find a residential neighborhood and pull out my Mac. Within 30 seconds I've located an open network and connected to Google maps. I find my location and directions back to the main route and I'm on my way.

It's pretty convenient - especially with as much traveling as I do. I've been a wireless subscriber in the past, and currently have wireless where I live. Unfortunately, I can't take that with me everywhere I travel. So when I'm out on the road I connect to open networks for directions, local stores, and to check my e-mail. This is called piggybacking.

The question is whether or not this is legal. And the answer is, "it is so long as a bored police officer doesn't see you." Here's the attitude police have adopted toward piggybacking:

"I had a feeling a law was being broken, but I wasn't sure which one."

"I'm sure it's illegal - it has to be!"

In one case the piggybacker was arrested, in the other he wasn't. In both cases, officers were acting upon ignorance and assumption. Neither were aware of any law being broken, but both took it upon themselves to intervene on a "feeling".

Now, maybe it's just me, but this doesn't seem right. Add to that these recent events in my life:

Sep. 1st, 2006, five vehicles at Radiant Living were broken into and about $1,600 worth of electronics was stolen. I filed a police report, the police got a set of fingerprints from the scene and told us they'd contact us. Several of us called the police station multiple times but nothing was ever done. To this day I've not heard anything from the police regarding that event.

Sep. 17th, 2007, a friend's car was broken into and two purses were stolen. In these purses were visas, passports, credit cards, driver's licenses, cell phones, and house keys of two U.S. citizens; this took place in Canada. It's incredibly difficult for U.S. citizens to get new forms of I.D. within the U.S., much less in Canada.

One of the credit cards was used at a convenience store within one hour of the theft. A police report was filed and this fact was included.

Now, maybe I'm just too practical, but I'd think that the police could take the time the credit card was used, go to the store, review security tapes and get a license plate I.D. of the thieves. But this hasn't been done. Maybe all the police are out looking for dangerous piggybackers.

Am I wrong to be frustrated by cops that sit on blind corners pulling over people on their way to work for speeding while someone is being stabbed? Doesn't it seem a little irresponsible of cops to be arresting people on assumptions when there's thieves leaving a trail of evidence that doesn't require a hint of intelligence to follow?

Maybe my plight would be more tolerable were I able to do something, but I can't. The law prohibits my involvement. My hands are tied and it's FRUSTRATING! I'm not sure whether I'd rather see the thieves behind bars or the cops...

And so the law abiding citizens must roll over in submission whilst criminals and their government walks all over them. Is this liberty or tyranny?

"When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

Does your government fear you?

Thursday was Moriah's 1st Birthday! So Friday we did a photo shoot. What a task! At one-year-old she's such a bundle of energy it was crazy. We spent about one hour and took two-hundred pictures. Final result: 3 usable pictures, and one really good one (>portfolio>portrait).

I decided I need a lot more practice and a good lighting class. I also want a baby girl now - but apparently that's not going to happen.

It's said that your decision for Christ, and who you marry are the two biggest decisions you'll ever make. I've made both. Here's the scoop:

I saw a bulletin posted today that had an interesting title ('No Boyfriend'). Eventually, curiosity got the best of me and I read the bulletin (okay, so the title wasn't really interesting, and I wasn't really very curious, but how much curiosity does it take to evoke a click of the mouse?). Here's the gist of the bulletin:

Repost this and you won't be single any more.

Don't repost this and you'll be single forever.

Oh, and it also said, 'This is for real!' Needless to say, I deleted it. But no sooner had I clicked 'delete' than I realized I'd just doomed myself to perpetual singularity - there went the second biggest decision I'll make in my lifetime! I guess now I can focus on other things.

Today we, the team, went down to Vancouver to eat and hang out. I had lots of opportunities to take pictures, but my favorite subject is Moriah.

She's grown a lot since I saw her last - she's almost one year old! It's hard to believe! And she's so absolutely adorable - she's got to be one of the cutest babies I've seen. Her facial expressions are hilarious! She's so entertaining to watch, and even more fun to photograph. She looks like such a little angel, but looks can be deceiving!

I also got my ears lowered - it was actually very painful. Yamil's been chomping at the bit to do this since I got here last year, so I finally let him at it. I'm not sure if I like it or not. It'll be lower maintenance, it was kinda unruly before.

I'd like to say more, but it's late and I must rise early tomorrow. We're going to Harrison lake on the houseboat for a couple of days. Hopefully there's one more day of sunshine before the clouds move in for the winter... I'll blog again soon.